Your pastor or church leader recommended you to seek Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFCT), you wonder would it actually help at all?
You know the scriptures, you’ve been studying the Bible and praying. You went to marriage classes and read a bunch of relationship books. What more can this couples counselling offer to help you? Plus, is it even biblical?
Emotionally Focused Therapy is an evidence-based short-term therapy modality developed from attachment theory, which suggests humans are hardwired for needing a secure emotional bond with another. For a child this is a caregiver, for adults, an intimate partner.
Having an accessible, responsive and engaging other in our lives teaches us that we are worthy, we can rely on others for help, and we are capable to explore the world.
The Bible teaches us God designed marriage as a safe covenant. We are created to seek connection with one another and with God.
The Trinity God himself is a relational God. Jesus models to us through relationships. Our connection with Jesus ultimately teaches us who we are, and grounds us to make such connections with others.
You have the knowledge from sound Biblical teachings, the EFT therapist focuses on your emotions, including anger, sadness, fear and shame, so that you can reorganise them and encounter different emotional experiences with your spouse.
Scripture embraces deep emotion; Jesus wept (John 11:35, Luke 19:41), he was overwhelmed with sorrow (Matthew 26:38), he showed compassion (Matthew 9:36, Matthew 15:32, Mark 1:41), also felt profound anguish (Luke 22:44, Matthew 27:46).
The EFT therapist helps you process deep emotions: when do they happen, the way you feel them, the message they send you, and your default actions when they arise.
The therapist helps slow down the clock, create emotional safety, guide your activated nervous system to become still, so fear, needs and longings can be untangled and responded to.
Jesus never shamed people in need of his help (John 8:1–11, John 4:1–42, Luke 23:39–43, Luke 19:1–10). He pointed out wrongdoings, but granted people dignity.
The EFT therapist validates all your emotions, regardless of what they are. Your therapist also sees the legitimate reasons of your behaviours driven by different emotions, regardless of how bad they look. From trivial fights about chores and money, to bigger fights about parenting, faith and purpose, are most often your protests against disconnection with each other.
Couples aren’t the enemy to each other; the reactive, defensive cycle between you two is the enemy. The EFT therapist helps you track the cycle, see the patterns, and learn to call out the enemy together as a team.
The Bible encourages us to recognise spiritual warfare or sinful patterns without assigning sole blame to individuals. When you fight for your marriage together, you fight less in it with each other.
EFT facilitates emotional safety in your relationship with each other, empowering you to repair the wounds and heal together. It invites forgiveness and reconciliation.
God doesn’t plan for us to simply put up with each other in the marriage. He uses marriage as a metaphor to resemble Jesus and His Church, where forgiveness and reconciliation are at the core.
Your marriage is designed for genuine, deep connections where you are invited to heal and grow together. Over 35 years of rigorous EFT scientific research backed that up with how couples counselling process should be done.
So yes, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy can help Christian couples.
Because best of all, Christians need to know we are created for connection.
If you would like to find out more about EFT model and how it can help Christian Couples, be sure to check Created for Connection: The “Hold Me Tight” Guide for Christian Couples by Dr. Sue Johnson and Kenneth Sanderfer.
If you want to know how it can help your marriage, click Contact Page and reach out.
